


Truth Telling Time

by CobaltStargazer



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Emotional Discomfort, Gen, Private Conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:18:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2370806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CobaltStargazer/pseuds/CobaltStargazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the best source of information is the one you least expect it from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truth Telling Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Willowy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowy/gifts).



"Can we go out for some coffee? I'd like to talk to you alone."

Penelope looked up from her computer monitor, surprised. She'd known Elle was in town because Reid had mentioned it, and she'd learned by now that there was no way to pry more information out of him. Not that she hadn't tried, but she'd finally left him in peace about it. She wondered if the brunette wanted to have a private word with her about dropping it. Even if it was already dropped. The hacker pushed her glasses up on her nose, and her ergonomic chair rolled backwards as she got to her feet.

"I haven't been picking at him about you anymore."

"Yeah, I know. This isn't about that."

Elle was hovering in the doorway of the blonde's lair, and she was having a strong sense of deja vu at being in the building again. Spencer didn't know she was here, and she'd probably tell him later. Candor was important to her, but this was something she wanted to deal with before he knew about it. She looked in the direction of the empty bullpen, faced Garcia again. 

"Come on, I'll buy." Pause. "Please."

Intrigued, Penelope followed Elle to the elevators, then out of the building when the doors opened onto the lobby. They'd never been close when the brunette had been with the Bureau. Back then, Elle had spent more time with Derek and Reid than with her, and it was only Spencer's re-connecting with her after so long that had led the blonde to make tentative inroads towards a new friendship, or at least an understanding.

They ended up at the nearest place to get coffee to the office, and after they took their orders to a booth, a not precisely comfortable silence fell. Elle was stirring her drink with too much concentration, and Penelope was making a titanic effort not to start babbling as a tension breaker. Spring had come early, a thaw after a short winter.

"Spencer told me what happened. What you did."

Elle's voice was low, and she was still toying with her coffee stirrer while she replayed the conversation with Reid in her head. She'd asked him something casual about the scar, and he'd admitted to her at last that someone had tried to finish the job when he was in the hospital. In the Now, she was feeling a little uncomfortable because there were things she wanted to say, things she had no proficiency at. The coffee was still very hot, and she sipped at it carefully.

"That must have been tough, even at close range."

The blonde had been mid-drink when the other woman spoke, and she coughed and sputtered as coffee went down the wrong way. Halfway through her fit, Elle said, "Raise your left arm above your head. That always works for me."  
She sounded bemused instead of annoyed. After the coughing subsided, Penelope plucked a napkin from the holder on the table and wiped at her eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't know he...why did he..."

"I didn't know somebody tried to make it permanent. It never occurred to me to ask. He told me that he got shot, but he didn't tell me what happened later. If I had known you shot somebody..."

"I didn't have a choice," Penelope said, and it was a protest. "The guy was right there, and Reid couldn't get to his gun. I never would have...done that if..."

"Would you let me _finish_ , Garcia?"

The bemusement was still there, but the former profiler's voice was firm. No nonsense. She'd put her coffee down and made eye contact. The hacker was biting her lower lip. She'd worried about this even though the bad dreams had subsided. To purposely hurt someone, for whatever reason, was anathema to her. Elle's sharp face was set, intent.

"I'm not good at this," she said after a minute of tense silence. "I'm not good at saying thank you or at being grateful. It makes me uncomfortable and bitchy when I'd rather not be. But you saved Reid's life. You saved his life, and there's no way I can ever...I can't even say 'thanks' because if I do I might burst into tears, and that'll _really_ piss me off."

Despite herself, Penelope laughed a little, and the hard knot in her stomach loosened. She was a pacifist at heart and always had been, and pulling that trigger had plagued her. Elle was staring determinedly into her coffee, where a tiny whirlpool spun around and around as she used the plastic stirrer. She was thinking about the scar on Spencer's neck, the times she had mouthed it, both in bed and out of it. And yes, she was damned uncomfortable, but it was a good kind of uncomfortable.

"I owe you. More than I can ever pay back. If I can do anything for you, _ever_ , just ask."

"You love him, don't you?"

Penelope didn't mean to choose that moment in history to pry, and she quailed a little when Elle's head snapped up, but as dark eyes met blue ones there was no combativeness there. After a second, her former co-worker's mouth twisted into a sardonic smile, one that said, 'All right, you got me.'

"Not a word. To anyone. I mean it, Garcia."

The hacker immediately held up her hands. "My lips are sealed. Scout's honor." Her index finger drew an X over her heart, close to the place where she had a scar of her own. Elle went back to her coffee. Penelope let the quiet between them linger for a few minutes.

"How did you handle it? When you...well..."

"You saw some of it. It got both better and worse after I left. I found a good shrink, got some counseling. Not feeling bad about it isn't the same thing as forgetting about it. Even without regret, those memories don't just go away. What you _shouldn't_ do is confuse yourself about it. You took the shot because you had to. Don't feel bad about that part, not when you're both probably alive because you got to the gun."

Maybe it was Elle's lack of bullshit. or maybe it was because Penelope wanted to let go of the guilt. If only because no one had ever said they owed her a debt before. Spencer had thanked her, of course, but to have the brunette approach her and tell her that she wasn't a terrible person, and that she was _grateful_ because of her actions. It reinforced her willingness to heal, to get past it.

"It's not easy, and it's not supposed to be, but you're not different." The ex-profiler said it quietly, and she reached out and touched Garcia on the forearm. "It's only when you enjoy it that you become part of the problem, and I doubt that's you."

The contact broke, and the blonde concentrated on finishing her coffee. "I think this is longest conversation we've ever had," she said, and Elle chuffed out a laugh.

"Yeah, you're probably right. But it was important that I talk to you, away from the others. You were there when Spencer needed you to be, and if I had more big words I'd use them. And I meant what I said, I owe you. I brought a bottle of really good wine, and I'll give it to you before I leave."

Penelope got up, and she closed the short distance and gingerly put her arms around the brunette's shoulders. The hug only lasted a few seconds before she retreated, but Elle's arms went around her in kind. 

"You did something good. But you still can't tell anyone about the other thing."

"I won't breathe a word."

A watch check said that they'd been sitting there for forty-five minutes, and Elle drank the last of her coffee. "I'll take you back to work," she said,, her voice a little gruff. "They're probably wondering where you went, and Reid and I have plans tonight."

"Hug him extra tight. He can always use it." Penelope smiled when she said it, and the brunette let out an amused snort. 

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I give him a squeeze whenever I can." And that was more than she should have said, and _all_ she was going to say.

Penelope felt lighter having had this talk, and she was going to do a search when she got home and find a reputable psychiatrist. Maybe she'd ask Elle to recommend someone. She could get past this. She just needed a little help, that was all.


End file.
